If I tell you something like:

You’re really a great person but you’re too soft (or whatever you want here)…

How does it feel?
Does it sound positive?
Do you take it as a compliment?

… Exactly, it does not sound like a compliment at all!

Be careful with “But”

But has the power to erase all what precedes it in the sentence. When people hear it in a conversation, they know something is coming and their focus totally goes on what’s ahead, the rest is just lost.

What’s the alternative?

Take the habit of replacing it by and, it sounds a little strange but it works wonders. The parts of your sentences are still logically connected and it removes the negative effect of but.

Exchange but for and gradually in your conversations and you will see that you get more impact. Do it often enough and, like everything else, it will become unconscious and you won’t have to think about it anymore.

Let’s go back to our example above with this little tweak:

You’re really a great person and you’re too soft (or whatever you want here)…

How does it sound?
More positive, isn’t it?

But… I can’t use it at all then?

Of course you can and I would just recommend you to be careful. And since you ask, there is a really great use for but.

Remember, we’ve seen above that it’s as if using but sort of removed what was said just before… You can use this to your advantage if you’re a little sneaky. 🙂

Let’s go back to our example.

You’re too soft (or whatever you want here) but you’re really a great person…

How does it sound this time?
I just used exactly the same words but the outcome is opposite, isn’t it?

So as you’ve seen, when you use but in this type of sentence, the goal is to switch both statements, you start with the negative part which will be canceled and the person you’re talking to will focus on the second part, what you want them to remember.